So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I need to calm my uterus...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
