you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i now understand why vodka
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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