No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
