the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
