Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I touched a dick in church today
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