Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
