Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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