I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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