My first STD was from a foam party
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
