An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
