I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
