I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
