So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
foreskin is a definite game changer
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize