That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
