My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You took a bar mat shot.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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