jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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