Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
