he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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