One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
