He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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