His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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