can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
