no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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