is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize