i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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