Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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