I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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