try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
