I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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