She said her name was "party"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
