dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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