the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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