hell yes lets make some ravioli
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize