This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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