I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
