At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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