The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We need a shit load of segways right now
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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