watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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