Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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