Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Never joke about your clitoris.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
