it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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