evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
