Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
