I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
