he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
