I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize