Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
last night I used snow as a chaser
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
