I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I can text with my tongue
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
