they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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