why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
