Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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