i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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