It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
