Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
