she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
