im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
