Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
