her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
