Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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