i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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