how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
