some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you win again, gameday.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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