I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
